Life changes

I meant to blog some more from our National Convention, but ran out of time, hence this rather delayed post.

Venue Cymru, Llandudno, North Wales - the venue for this year’s Convention

National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha’is of the UK, 2007-08. No change in the membership.

The newly elected National Spiritual Assembly (national Baha’i council) met after the Convention session finished on Saturday night to elect its officers. Each year the incoming National Assembly meets in a small room in the conference venue. The Convention manager provides tea, coffee, herb tea, water, sometimes some sandwiches. Members drift in. One or two are held up chatting with friends on the staircase. We chat and laugh.

Eventually, all nine members are sitting around the table, and the convenor (the member who has received the highest number of votes) calls the meeting to order. We’ve each received a small pile of ballot slips with the names of the existing National Assembly members printed on and spaces for the names any new members who may be elected (no changes this year, though). Silence falls. A quiet tension grows in the room. Someone reads a prayer. And then we vote - one office at a time.

Each member checks the name of the person they think best suited for the office we’re voting for, and folds their ballot slip. The convenor passes a glass around and each one drops in his or her folded ballot slip. The glass goes around the table, filling up with ballots, and arrives back with the convenor, who tips the ballots out and counts. If we’re lucky, one name receives the requisite minimum of five votes first time around and is elected.

Chairman, OK. Secretary, OK. And then it comes to the vote for Secretary for External Affairs. The Chairman suggests another prayer. Someone reads. Then, each one of us, alone with our thoughts and our ballot slips, checks a name. The glass goes round. The ballot papers arrive in front of the Chairman. She tips the folded slips onto the table and begins to sort them into piles. One pile for each person who receives a vote. Out of the corner of my eye I see that one of the piles has collected five slips.

A brief pause, and the Chairman quietly says the name of the one elected to be Secretary for External Affairs. Silence. I feel a shock and then numb. My face tingles. It’s not me. I’ve lost my job. I’m no longer serving as Secretary for External Affairs. Each year Erica and I have discussed what we’ll do when the time comes that I am no longer elected to serve as one of the two paid officers of the National Assembly. And this is it. After nine years that moment has come.

What do I feel? What should I feel? Of course I accept the verdict of the National Spiritual Assembly. Of course. The National Spiritual Assembly records some very kind comments about my service successively as Secretary and Secretary for External Affairs. Congratulations, and rightly so, to the new incumbent, who is also looking stunned. His life’s now in turmoil, just as mine is. One member, who’s a clinical psychologist, turns to me and quietly says to call him if I want to talk.

We settle down to vote for the two final offices. We get the Treasurer on the first round, but it takes three rounds to get our Vice Chairman. Once again the result is unexpected and the new Vice Chairman is also looking shocked.

It’s 11 p.m. already and we have some other serious business to discuss, but the venue is closing, so we migrate to a hotel lounge to continue our consultations. I’m tired and feeling somewhat unreal. All the time I’m thinking, “What am I going to do with my life? What next?”

The consultation takes some time and I eventually get back to my guesthouse at about 12.30 a.m. Erica and I sit up and talk about the change for a while and then we settle down, but I don’t sleep. I toss and turn and keep Erica awake. I alternate between euphoria - I can take control of my life again - and depression.

The next day, the Chairman of Convention, who is also the Chairman of the National Spiritual Assembly, announces the result of the officer election. She makes some very kind (but quite undeserved) remarks about my service as Secretary and Secretary for External Affairs and Convention rises to its feet, applauding. I don’t know where to look. Actually, I don’t know how to look - serious? smiling? embarrassed? I settle for embarrassed - it’s the English thing to do.

A little later I call our kids to let them know what’s happened. Alex says, “That’s nuts”, and goes on to explain that he and his brother Tom have been discussing how to develop their business and have decided they need my skills. I get a bit euphoric - a job offer already! Erica and I leave Convention early to give ourselves time to talk on the five hour drive home. Once again I find myself alternating between euphoria and depression.

We decide to call in and see Alex and Charlie in Northampton. We begin to discuss business while joining our grandchildren on the trampoline. We stay for dinner.

Next port of call is Hari and Doug’s in Hatfield. Tom and Vicky are there too with baby Maya. They’re just starting dinner as we arrive. We share the pudding and have fun. It’s great to have seen all our children and grandchildren on this particular day. Very healing.

Monday, and I write valedictory emails to various friends and colleagues in external affairs across the world. That’s when the tears begin. For a time I’m stormin’ and I’m completely incapacitated by grief. I knew it would come, but it took its time. I grieve for my work, my friends, my loss of a function and an identity in a path of service I particularly enjoyed and felt suited for. Erica hugs and comforts me, and the storm passes.

Later I talk to a very good friend in the USA and hear of changes that have taken place there too. Seems like it’s a time for change.

I start to receive loving and supportive emails from friends around the world, and I feel stronger.

The new Secretary for External Affairs comes round and we spend several good hours together discussing the work that’s in hand and the work he will need to pick up. I know he’ll do a great job and I’m willing to help him get going, but don’t want to interfere. There’s nothing worse than someone who did the job before you hanging around and looking over your shoulder to see if you’re doing it “right”, if you’re doing it exactly like he did. I don’t want to be one of those.

Today, Tuesday, I’m really recovering. I travel into London to the Baha’i Centre and get into a conversation about a possible future project that I could really get into.

So how does it go, this miraculous Baha’i electoral system? No one stands for election. The voters vote on a person’s qualities and not on their personality. The people who are elected are duty bound to accept election. Those who are not elected are detached from the result and happy that the best people have been chosen by the voters. That’s the theory. The reality is that it’s a great arena to learn and practise many virtues: patience, detachment, generosity of spirit, trustworthiness, reliability. I thank God for it.

I had no idea how I would react when the day came and someone else was elected to “my” office. Praise God, the support of my dear friends and colleagues on the National Spiritual Assembly helped me to accept, to welcome the result. Their love helped me rise above the baser reactions I could so easily have had.

So with the grace of God I’m moving on. Life changes.

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